we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I pour the whiskey from now on
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
