I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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