do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
