But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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