How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Randomize
