It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
