Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
