Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
