Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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