Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
