exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
