omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
