i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
