Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
