Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
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He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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