We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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