google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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