Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
