My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
