Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
