So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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