So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
