if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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