Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
