Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
