no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize