Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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