Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
