i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
