Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
