Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
