Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
wow bdsm is so cute
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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