so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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