then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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