I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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