Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
