I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
