I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
