Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.