i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
