k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
