Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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