two words...techno handjob
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
