Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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