Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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