Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
