stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
