at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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