1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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