It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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