I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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