the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
