i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
