that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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