I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His hands were made for my vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
