Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
