can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
