just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
