Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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