i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
