Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
