Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found a bag of teeth...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
