I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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