ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
