New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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