I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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