Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
