It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
