hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
