Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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