Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
